Someone confided to me that they were experiencing feelings of being judged. And, they weren’t allowed the opportunity to provide clarity or context—they were simply dismissed. The worst part is it came from family—the ones who are supposed to lift you up and provide a sense of belonging. The little snarky comments and side-eyed looks caused frustration and feelings of rejection.
“Expressions of disgust or contempt communicate absolute rejection.” ~Beverly Engel
The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused—And Start Standing Up For Yourself.
To compound the problem, they further blamed how she was raised—adding “insult” to her parents. I don’t believe her extended family actually realized how they were making her feel. Nevertheless, they were rejecting who she is based on their views of how she is supposed to be. They view their life and choices as the more appropriate way to live—there is little room for diversity.
I will add, that as parents, we do inadvertently mold our children to our way of thinking. As they get older, we begin to see the disparity in points of view as they formulate their own thoughts about life. That is a beautiful thing. There is an appreciation that my children are willing to discuss what they believe—even if I do feel they have lost their minds. I welcome the opportunity to both learn from them and share what my experiences have taught me.
The conversation I had with her wasn’t to build self-esteem so much as it was to neutralize the judgmental comments. She recognized for the first time just how closed-minded they were. I encouraged her to be assertive and speak her mind—to not be dismissed. I also encouraged her to pick her battles as some are just not worth fighting for.
“Nothing is right or wrong. It's all an interpretation of which lens we are looking through.” ~Tarun Sharma
I am a woman-child at heart; continuously evolving to find my place in life. I am a mother, a daughter, and a sister. I am a lover and a dreamer--an explorer and a traveler. But it's my passion for writing that allows me to explore my ingenuity. This is something that undoubtedly carries over to the many roles that make up the ever evolving woman I am.