There is definitely an art to rediscovering yourself. It’s done in pieces and when it comes together, it’s a magical thing. You feel as sense of relief – a sense of triumph. All of the things I ever wanted out of life have suddenly come to light and now it’s time to take action. I think the biggest obstacle is maintaining confidence in yourself and believing that you are capable of greater things; especially if you’ve convinced yourself for years that you aren’t. As I’ve mentioned in my recent posts, I’ve made many changes in my life. Admittedly, when making these changes, a sense of doubt crept in making me question everything. I knew that getting a divorce was necessary, but could I be a single mother and maintain a career all on my own? It was overwhelming at times. There was really no choice but to move forward and that in itself helped me see that I could. Although I have the support from those I love and care about, I knew I had to make things happen for myself. I came to realize that I needed to restructure my thinking and focus on what it took to build my new life –not dwell on things I had no control over. I’ve gone through the hardest part and I know I came out successful in the end. In fact, I like who I am a lot more and believe I’m a better person because of it. However, this is a long process. And while I’m in a better place, I know I’m never quite “done.” Change is constant.
As it relates to the things I want out of life, that was a little more challenging. I no longer have to sacrifice my goals because of someone else. It may sound like an excuse I keep using, and perhaps it is in a way. In hindsight, I didn’t realize I was a victim of mental abuse by someone who saw me as inferior. I didn’t recognize how much of myself I had neglected. This marriage started to deteriorate because I was figuring all of this out, questioning why I let someone have such control. Our life was in a constant state of uncertainty. Almost every single problem we faced financially and emotionally was because one person didn’t want to do their part. As a result, I became withdrawn. I no longer voiced my thoughts or what I wanted. That’s no way for a marriage to survive. Now that I have separated myself from that, I am the only thing that can hold me back and that’s not going to ever happen again.
My days are now filled with what I want and I’ve never been happier. I’m still looking for that dream job, but at least I know what it is. And, I’m not waiting around for it to happen; I’m actively pursuing it. The best part in my entire rediscovery process is that I’ve surrounded myself with those who support me unconditionally. The most important person in my life genuinely cares for me and has always encouraged me to be my own person.
Given everything I’ve done to redefine my goals in life, I’m no longer afraid to take a chance. I can’t lose. I can only learn more about myself. That’s truly what it’s all about. No longer am I worried about what others will think and curb who I am to appeal to them. I don’t pretend that my world is absolutely perfect. Shit happens, and that’s life. However, what I chose to do after that makes all the difference.
I am a woman-child at heart; continuously evolving to find my place in life. I am a mother, a daughter, and a sister. I am a lover and a dreamer--an explorer and a traveler. But it's my passion for writing that allows me to explore my ingenuity. This is something that undoubtedly carries over to the many roles that make up the ever evolving woman I am.